Feeling overwhelmed, especially during the holidays? When you are not alone today, we’re gonna dive into why you don’t have to do it all and how to manage overwhelm. Welcome back to another episode of Weight Loss Made Simple, today, especially relevant during the holiday season—overwhelm. And let’s be honest, this is a topic that hits home for most women and moms. So, how can we navigate this well? So, first things first, let’s talk about the "have to" mentality. This is the idea that we have to do everything, we think of meeting everyone's expectations, and fulfill all our roles perfectly.
How would the perfect hostess handle this party? How would the perfect mom handle Elf on the Shelf? How would the perfect wife handle the husband's party? How would the perfect friend give? And to make matters worse, thank God for the Internet. We see everyone with their beautiful wrapping, their beautiful holiday turkey, their beautiful homes, and special makeup and special outfits. It's a lot. So, the first thing we need to realize is that we have the power to decide what's perfect.
So, I get to decide how a perfect mom handles Elf on the Shelf. And spoiler alert, our Elf does not move. Sometimes he gets some different things put next to him, but he doesn't move. And that's perfect for my family. And I am the perfect mom for my kids, and so my Elf moves perfectly for our family. See how fun that is? We get to decide. We don't need anyone else telling us what the perfect way to do the holidays is. There's so much on our to-do list; we really don't need to try and do it all perfectly. From buying the perfect gifts to planning the perfect holiday party and doing the perfect holiday outfits and the perfect Christmas cards. It's just too much because at the end of the day, we don't have to do any of it. "Have to" is such a strong word. We don't have to do any of it. We can choose to do what we find important and what brings us joy.
I learned a long time ago that it brings me joy to have a nice Christmas picture. So, that's when we do our yearly family pictures, and I use the same photographer that did our wedding and did the baby's pictures. The kids know her, it's lovely, it does not take very long. I love it. I want to make Christmas cards. Nobody told me to or I think that's what the perfect mom does—Christmas cards. I love getting Christmas cards, so I had to choose when I was going through my endless to-do list for the holidays. I did choose what I wanted to keep—Christmas cards. Something for me. I want to keep it.
Now, having the perfect staged dinner table, the perfect table scape, I don't need to have a perfect table scape. I let that go. Perfect table scape for me is everyone has a plate. And I have to leave it at that. So, we get to decide. I would love for you to make a to-do list for the holidays and cross off half of that. Half of the things that do not bring you joy. You don't need them all. The schools are gonna hate me for this, but you don't have to bring anything to the holiday party. You really don't even have to go. Sign up to buy anything. And I love that you don't have to do any of it. So, go through the list and really think about what makes you happy. If Christmas cards do not bring you joy, don't do them. If the perfect table scape doesn't bring you joy, then pick some out on Pinterest, recreate them. I think that's just the nicest thing we can do for ourselves.
We are usually responsible for most of it, right? We shop, we meal plan, we coordinate family events. Where are we going? Whose family are we driving to? What outfit are we gonna wear? There is an imbalance there. And so, what I want you to do is get rid of anything that's not important to you. And the stuff that is important to you, ask for help if you need it. I'll go back to the perfect example. Once I've designed the card, so I've got the photographer, I plan the family outfit, I get us all together on that day. Gabby comes and takes her pictures. Gabby sends me the pictures. I make the card. I order them from Shutterfly. That's where my responsibility ends because I asked for help, and my husband actually doesn't mind stuffing the envelopes and mailing them out. I like the creative side of it. He likes the implementation, business side of it. So, we can split that task.
But be cautious here when we ask for help and people do not give us help, right? So, if I ask my husband to do that, "Can you please mail out the Christmas cards?" And he doesn't or says no, he doesn't have time, whatever it is, I used to make that mean something about him respecting my time or our relationship or just appreciating me in general. And I said, very slippery slope and a very dangerous thing to do. The truth of the matter is, it's not important to him. Luckily, he said yes and he does it because it doesn't bother him. But if we ask someone to take something off our plate and it's not something they would've picked for their top 10 list, they might not want to do it. That does not mean anything about your relationship. It's like one of those bad skits where someone doesn't take out the trash and then they start arguing about things that happened 20 years ago in their relationship. We don't want that. We just want help with the task.
And we're going to get it or we're not. But just because we don't get it does not mean they don't love us or appreciate us. It just means it didn't make their top 10 list. So, it's not as important in their day as it is for us. Or another reason to really try and get your top 10 list. If we're trying to do everything perfectly and we have a to-do list of 200 things, that's a lot to ask someone to help with. If we narrow it down to our top 10 and we tell our partner, "Hey, this is important to me, but I don't think I can get them all done. Would you be able to help me out a little bit?" You're probably much more likely to get help on some of those things.
So, if you find yourself asking for help and not getting it and then spiraling into that blame game and feeling unappreciated, watch for that. The only person that needs to appreciate you is you. And I appreciate you for being here, so I appreciate you too. Just because someone doesn't do our to-do list or do what we've asked them does not mean they don't appreciate all the things we do. Okay, a little bit of false thinking there. Your mind's going to try and spin it. If he didn't mail the Christmas cards, then I put them together, just something else came up on his top 10 list. I can't expect his top 10 to be the same as my top 10. So, if he doesn't get something done on my top 10, and it is a top 10 item for me, then I need to get it done in its place. I see this as our level of clutter discomfort is not identical. So, it's important for me for the house to be picked up during the holidays all the time, really. The holidays add extra effort in. I ask for help. Sometimes I get it, but his help is not going to be the level of clean or less clutter than mine. It's just different. We're all different, and we need to appreciate that difference when we're asking for help. They're probably not going to do it exactly how we would do it. But if we've asked for help and they give it, we should appreciate it and be done.
So, we really just want to make that to-do list, prioritize those tasks. What is the most important to you? Does that matter? You know, we make the squares urgent, not urgent. Yes, that has a place, but I want you to do initially what's really important here. What are the most important things? The top 10 that you want to happen this holiday season? What am I telling myself I should do, and what am I telling myself I have to do? Because we shouldn't do anything we don't want to do, and we don't have to do anything. So, we want to pare down that list to what we want to do, what will bring you joy this holiday season? What do the holidays even mean to you? Is it about gift-giving? Is it about eating meals with friends and family? Is it about presents? What do you want to get out of this holiday season? And make sure your top 10 aligns with that. Holidays are not just for everyone else, and you just execute it for them. The holidays are for you as well.
Okay, sometimes we need to set some boundaries for overwhelm. I read stories all the time. I counsel clients on this all the time. If you're asked to do something that is too much for you, you get to say no. We can set boundaries. We can say no. If it's not something we want to do or it's too much, just because family's coming into town, does that mean you have to let them stay with you? Just because they're flying into the airport, does that mean you have to pick them up? You can choose to do what feels good to you and what you have time and space and capacity for. You don't have to do any of it amidst all this chaos.
I want you to remember self-care, right? I only teach two things. So, the to-do list, thinking about what's important to you, what you want this holiday season. The self-care component, you've got to find some time for yourself. Even just like a five-minute walk can be really helpful here. I think part of making that list can be self-care too. Like, I have my list of Christmas movies that I'm gonna watch, usually after the kids go to bed because most of mine are not kids' movies. They give me joy, so I'm gonna do it. They made my top 10 list, so I'm gonna do that for myself. So, I guess there is. But take yourself for a pedicure, take yourself for a manicure, get fancy nails done, get your hair done, get a blowout. I love a good blowout, right? Massage, schedule those things in now so that you have something to look forward to and it's a non-negotiable break in your day where you're going to do something nice for yourself. So, as soon as you get where you're going, if you're driving, as soon as you finish with this podcast, make yourself an appointment somewhere nice for you. Put it on the calendar, get some self-care scheduled for the holidays. It is worth it and it's necessary because the holidays are for you too.
The most important thing I hope you learn from this podcast today is you do not have to do any of it, and you get to decide what perfect is. And all you need to be is your version of what's perfect for you. All right, have a wonderful day, and I'll see you next time.