74. "The Power of 'Fat': Depersonalizing Body Comments for Emotional Resilience"

In this episode, we explore the emotional weight attached to the word "fat" and how societal conditioning has shaped our reactions. Dr. Stacy Heimburger breaks down why we’re so triggered by body comments and how we can learn to depersonalize them for greater emotional resilience. Through actionable tips and thoughtful reframing, you’ll discover how to separate your body from your worth, stop negative self-talk, and embrace a healthier mindset around body-related language. Tune in to reclaim your power and learn how to view your body neutrally, no longer allowing others' comments to define how you feel about yourself.

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Transcript

Hey everybody, welcome back to the podcast. My name is Dr. Stacy Heimburger, and this is episode 74.

I wanted to talk to you today about something that happened a couple of years ago, but it feels like the right time to share now. I was on vacation with my family, getting dressed in my bathing suit, and my son called me fat. He said, "Mommy, why are you fat?"

I wanted to discuss this today because maybe, at some point in your life, you’ve been called fat—whether as a child or as an adult. Maybe it was triggering for you, bringing up emotions like hurt, anger, or embarrassment. But I want to offer a different perspective and explore the idea of making that word neutral, so it doesn’t sting so much.

When this happened, I was actually really proud of how I handled it. But even so, the moment replayed in my head multiple times. When my son asked, "Mom, why are you fat?" I immediately responded, "That’s because Mommy eats more than her body needs."

Here’s my take on this: When little kids ask questions like this, they’re very concrete thinkers. Their vocabulary is limited, and they categorize things in simple ways—tall vs. short, skinny vs. fat. They’re not attaching personal attributes to the word fat when they use it.

However, as a society, we have been conditioned to associate fat with negative meanings. The word itself is not inherently bad—it’s the emotional response we’ve tied to it due to years of social messaging. If this episode feels too triggering for you, you don’t have to listen—feel free to skip ahead, and I’ll see you next week. But if this resonates with you and you’d like to shift your mindset around this word, keep listening because I think I can help.

The problem isn’t the word fat itself—it’s the meaning that has been attached to it. Society has linked thinness with beauty and success, which, in turn, makes us feel like fat is associated with failure, shame, or worthlessness. So when someone says you’re fat or you have fat on your body, we don’t hear a neutral description—we hear you’re a failure, you should be ashamed, you are bad, ugly, or unworthy.

But here’s what I truly believe: Fat is just a descriptor. If I had an MRI of my body, it would show fat. We all need fat to protect our organs, store energy, and keep our bodies functioning. It is just part of our body’s makeup—it’s neutral.

It’s the same idea as stepping on a scale and reminding yourself that the number is just a measurement of gravity. It doesn’t define you.

If we let external factors determine our self-worth, we’re going to struggle with feeling good about ourselves. That’s why I want to help you depersonalize this word and remove its negative charge.

When my son asked me why I was fat, I used it as a learning opportunity. I explained that when we eat more than our body needs, our body stores the extra energy as fat. That’s a simple, factual explanation for a young child.

As kids grow, we can teach them more nuanced information—like how different types of food affect the body and how protein supports muscle while sugar impacts energy levels. But at its core, fat is a natural, necessary part of the human body.

No one has 0% body fat. We need fat to function. Our weight—whether it’s on the scale or in how people describe us—does not determine our self-worth, our value, or our ability to contribute to the world. It’s just a physical characteristic.

If someone says, "You have brown hair" or "You have blue eyes", we don’t attach emotions to that. Fat can be the same way—it doesn’t have to carry extra meaning or shame.

If we start seeing words like fat through a neutral lens—not better, not worse, just neutral—it can transform the way we react when someone comments on our body.

Kids, for example, say things without filtering. They don’t yet understand that the words they use might carry emotional weight for someone else. If we can meet their words with neutrality, we prevent unnecessary pain.

This mindset shift allows us to view our body without judgment. And that’s a huge first step in talking to ourselves with more kindness. I know this isn’t easy—I struggled with it for a long time. When I looked in the mirror, I had a lot of negative thoughts about my body.

At first, saying something positive didn’t feel authentic. My brain wouldn’t accept it. But what I could do was get to neutral. Instead of thinking, "I hate my body," I could think, "I have a human body, and human bodies have fat." That’s neutral—not good or bad, just factual. And neutral feels a lot better than self-hatred.

If someone makes a comment about your body and you feel triggered, here’s what you can do. Take a deep breath. When something feels like an attack, our instinct is to attack back. Pausing helps prevent that. If someone’s words make you feel upset, try shifting to a neutral perspective. Remember, fat is something we are supposed to have. Your body and the way people describe it do not define you. Imagine surrounding yourself with a protective barrier of positive thoughts. The stronger this internal dialogue is, the less external words can affect you.

Words like fat don’t need to carry an emotional charge. You don’t have to change anything about yourself to feel better—you only have to change how you think about it. Our feelings come from our thoughts, so if we shift our mindset, we shift how we feel.

Fat is not a bad word. It’s a descriptor. It does not define your worth. Every human being has fat, and we need it to function.

Practice saying this: Fat is just a word. It does not define me.

I know this is a heavy, emotionally charged topic. That’s why I waited to talk about it. But I wanted to share this with you today because if this shift helps even one person feel better about themselves, then it’s worth it.

I hope you found this helpful. If you know someone who needs to hear this message, please share it with them. Until next time—bye!