76. Buffering: How to Stop Distracting Yourself from Uncomfortable Feelings

In this episode, Dr. Stacy Heimburger dives into the concept of buffering—the tendency to distract ourselves from uncomfortable emotions like frustration, anxiety, or sadness through habits like overeating, scrolling social media, or binge-watching TV. While these distractions may offer short-term relief, they prevent us from addressing the root cause of our discomfort. Dr. Heimburger explores how embracing frustration and discomfort is actually essential for personal growth and lasting change. You'll learn why sitting with your feelings can lead to deeper self-awareness, better decision-making, and ultimately, long-term success in weight loss and life. Tune in to discover practical strategies for tolerating discomfort and stepping away from the urge to buffer, helping you make progress in healthier, more sustainable ways.

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This episode was produced by The Podcast Teacher: www.ThePodcastTeacher.com.

Transcript

Hey everybody! Welcome back to Weight Loss Made Simple. I’m your host, Dr. Stacy Heimburger, and this is episode 76.

Have you ever found yourself reaching for food, turning on the TV, or filling up an online shopping cart just because you don’t want to deal with something that feels uncomfortable? I know I have!

What is Buffering?

This is called buffering. In coaching circles, we use this term to describe when we use something—food, alcohol, shopping, social media—to taper down a really uncomfortable feeling.

Think of a buffer as something that protects from sharp edges. Mentally, we try to protect ourselves from sharp emotional edges by distracting or numbing ourselves, which is what we call buffering.

While buffering is often associated with negative emotions like sadness, frustration, or anxiety, people also buffer happy emotions when they feel overwhelmed. But for today’s discussion, we’ll focus mainly on buffering to avoid discomfort.

The Problem with Buffering

Buffering might seem like a reasonable fix—if a feeling is too sharp, why not soften it? But here’s the thing: buffering is only temporary. The uncomfortable feeling will keep coming back until we actually process it or let it run its course.

Each time we buffer, we restart the clock on that discomfort. Instead of solving the issue, we just delay dealing with it. This creates a cycle:

1. We have a trigger.
2. We have a thought about the trigger.
3. That thought causes an uncomfortable feeling.
4. Instead of dealing with the feeling, we buffer (eat, drink, shop, etc.).
5. That feeling is numbed for now—but it returns later, often stronger.
6. The cycle repeats.

We unknowingly set up an urge-reward cycle. For example, if I feel stressed and eat a cookie, my brain learns: Cookie = stress relief. Next time I feel stress, my brain will urge me to get another cookie. Over time, this becomes a habitual coping mechanism.

The Link Between Buffering and Hunger Cues

I find it fascinating how our bodies might mimic true hunger signals as part of this buffering cycle. Anecdotally, I believe that when we routinely buffer with food, our bodies start associating hunger cues with emotional relief. When discomfort arises, our body signals hunger—even if we’ve just eaten—because it has learned that eating makes discomfort go away.

This isn’t scientifically proven, but it helps explain why we sometimes feel physically hungry when we’re really just stressed or anxious. Our brain has linked discomfort with food, making it harder to break the cycle.

The Root Cause of Buffering

People often buffer after stressful workdays. They feel drained and just want to stop feeling stressed, so they reach for food, alcohol, or distractions. But they never address what’s causing the stress in the first place.

When I coach clients, we work to identify the root cause—the thought or situation that triggers stress. Once we fix that, the need to buffer diminishes significantly.

The Discomfort of Learning and Growth

I recently saw an Instagram post (which, of course, I can’t find now!) from a doctor discussing the uncomfortable space between not knowing something and knowing something. She described this space as frustration, which resonated with me.

In coaching, we call this the river of misery. For example, if I’m learning how to eat the right amount for my body, I may feel stuck between what doesn’t work and what does work. This period of learning can be frustrating and uncomfortable.

When we don’t know the answer yet, it can feel like a winding road with no clear end in sight. The more we sit with that discomfort and allow ourselves to learn, the more successful we’ll be.

How Buffering Holds Us Back

I love this concept because it shows how close we can get to success before giving up. Imagine walking a 10-mile desert road from not knowing to knowing. If we buffer every time we feel frustrated, it’s like turning around at mile 9. We may have been just one step away from success, but we’ll never know because we didn’t push through.

This happens with weight loss plateaus all the time. People feel stuck, frustrated, and unsure if what they’re doing is working. If they buffer (overeating, quitting their plan), they might have been just one good choice away from breaking through—but they’ll never know.

Developing Emotional Resilience

Sitting in discomfort builds emotional resilience, which is one of the most powerful life skills we can develop.

If we can get comfortable with discomfort, we become more willing to take risks, learn new things, and push forward.

Instead of buffering, try:

• Journaling about your feelings
• Practicing mindfulness and self-compassion
• Visualizing your progress and reminding yourself that discomfort is temporary

The more we lean into discomfort instead of escaping it, the sooner we reach our goals.

Key Takeaways

1. Buffering is a temporary distraction, not a solution.
2. The discomfort you’re avoiding will keep returning until you process it.
3. Buffering creates an urge-reward cycle that makes habits harder to break.
4. Sitting in discomfort builds emotional resilience and accelerates success.

Final Thoughts

The more we embrace discomfort instead of running from it, the stronger we become. The road from not knowing to knowing is uncomfortable, but buffering only sends us back to the start.

This week, I challenge you to sit with discomfort instead of escaping it. Notice your buffering tendencies and try to delay them, even for a little while. Each time you practice this, you build more resilience and get closer to your goals.

You’ve got this! Until next time—bye!