95. Are You Asking the Right Questions About Weight Loss?

Your brain is a powerful problem-solver—but if you’re asking the wrong questions, you’ll keep getting the wrong answers.

In this episode, Dr. Stacy breaks down why certain questions (like “Why can’t I just stick to anything?”) actually shut down your motivation and keep you stuck in shame spirals. Then, she flips the script and gives you a toolkit of better questions—the kind that spark creativity, action, and self-compassion.

You’ll learn:
✅The 3 red flags of shame-based questions
✅How future-focused questions create forward momentum
✅Exactly what to ask when you’re tired, tempted, or doubting yourself
✅Dr. Stacy’s favorite journaling prompt to get unstuck instantly

Whether you’re meal planning, navigating cravings, or just trying to get through Monday, this episode will give you the mental rewrites you didn’t know you needed.

Journal Prompt of the Week:
📝 “What would my path look like if it were simple and easy?”

Free 2-Pound Plan Call!
Want to jump start your weight loss? Schedule a free call where Dr. Stacy Heimburger will work with you to create a personalized plan to lose 2 pounds in one week, factoring in your unique circumstances, challenges, and aspirations. Schedule now! www.sugarfreemd.com/2pound

This episode was produced by The Podcast Teacher: www.ThePodcastTeacher.com.

Transcript

Hey everybody, welcome back to the podcast! This is Dr. Stacy Heimburger, and you're listening to Weight Loss Made Simple.

Today I want to talk to you about asking better questions. Our brain is a problem-solver, but if we're asking the wrong questions, we're going to keep finding the wrong answers.

I alluded to this a couple of episodes back when I was talking about the three things I learned that helped me lose 90 pounds. I wanted to come back to this and just expand on it a bit.

This idea of asking better questions is really important—because our brain is a question-answering machine, okay? So the quality of our questions is 100% going to determine the quality of our answers.

When I ask, "Why can’t I stick to anything?" or "Why can’t I lose weight?" our brain responds with mean things. It’s not going to find anything good. I always laugh because I picture this little nasty pants voice inside, just waiting for that question. Like, “I’m so glad you asked! I’ve been keeping a list for years of everything that’s wrong with you and all the things you’ve never stuck to.” Just ready to read it off—your little arch-nemesis in there, waiting to list all the reasons why you're bad and wrong.

So knowing that that's what’s going to happen, let’s not ask those questions anymore.

In thinking about how to ask better questions, I wanted to figure out: what actually makes a high-quality question? Because just saying, “Ask better questions,” isn’t all that helpful. But if I give you examples of better questions, and break down what makes them better, I think that might be helpful.

So first, I’ll go over what I think are some of the most unhelpful questions so we can start from there—and then move toward more helpful ones.

These are the "how do I shame myself without realizing it" questions:

• Why can’t I just stop eating at night?
• Why am I so weak?
• What’s wrong with me?
• Why can she do it, but I can’t?
• Why do I always mess up on the weekends?
• Why don’t I have more willpower?
• Why can’t I be more motivated?

I won’t go any further because I think we all know where we’re going here—and you could probably add your own to the list.

These questions feel like we’re “getting to the heart of the matter,” like it’s some kind of tough love: If I just knew the answer to that question, I could get myself in gear.

But they actually close the door on change because all they do is create shame.

And when we’re in a shame spiral? No good ideas are coming from that place. This idea that we’ll find a magic answer by shaming ourselves is a little crazy when you think about it. A shame spiral doesn’t spark motivation—it’s a dead end.

These shame-based, past-focused questions are not helpful. They’re not tough love. They’re not productive.

So what’s the problem with these questions?

First of all—they’re past-focused. That’s problem number one.

They’re also identity-focused—like asking, “What’s wrong with me?”

They tend to come from a fixed mindset, not a growth mindset. They shut down curiosity, creativity, and forward movement. And if you’ve been listening to me for a while, you know those are the exact things we need: curiosity, creativity, and a willingness to try new things.

So think of these bad questions as a spiral staircase down to a locked door. Total dead end.

If we want to move away from that, we need to switch to future-focused questions.

These were the kinds of questions I started asking myself when I began to lose weight:

• What would this look like if it were simple?
• What would make this feel easy?
• If I got to the end of the day and felt proud of myself, what would that day have looked like?
• What does "done for the day" look like for me?
• What does my bare minimum look like today?
• What would help me feel proud of myself tonight?
• What does future me need right now?

(Usually, future me needs me to food prep something!)

Another way to approach this, especially for my analytical thinkers, is to ask strategy-building questions like:

• How can I make this 10% easier?
• Where do I need a system instead of relying on willpower?
• What’s one thing I can automate or prep ahead of time?
• What worked last time I felt successful?
• What would I do if I wasn’t trying to be perfect?

That last one is so powerful: If I wasn’t trying to be perfect, what would I try? What would I do?

Then we have emotional regulation questions, which I use when I know I’m not really hungry but my brain is giving me that “just want a little something” craving:

• What am I trying to avoid right now?
• What feeling is underneath this craving?
• What’s the real need here?
• What would help me feel safe and calm—without food?

We’ve used food to buffer feelings for so long, so when we don’t give ourselves food in a tough moment, it can feel a little jarring. Your body might start to feel dysregulated—your nervous system kicks in.

So sometimes, just grounding yourself by asking, “What do I need to feel safe and calm?” helps remind your body that you’re not deprived and the world isn’t ending.

These are the kinds of questions that help calm that “chicken little” part of your brain that thinks the sky is falling.

Then we have recommitment questions. These are great for when you’re starting to fall out of belief that you can do this:

• If I did believe I could do this, what’s the next best step?
• What’s one small thing I can do right now to move forward?
• How would I treat myself if I were already the healthy version of me?
• What’s one thing I can do today—no matter what happened yesterday?

That last one is a favorite of mine: What’s one thing I can do to move forward today, no matter what happened yesterday?

Let’s also include some identity questions or ownership questions:

• Who am I becoming?
• What would future me choose right now?
• What would I say to my best friend if she were struggling with this?

And finally, let’s not forget the fun and permission-based questions—especially when things feel heavy:

• What’s a non-food treat I can look forward to today?
• What would make this week feel fun and doable?
• What sounds delicious and satisfying that’s still aligned with my plan?

I think journaling on some of these questions can be a game-changer. I’ll put all of these in the show notes for you—they’ll be long this week!

These kinds of questions are the antidote when you’re feeling discouraged. If things are starting to feel heavy, ask:

• What would make this feel lighter?
• What would make this feel easier?

And then refer back to your journal. You’ll find your own answers. That’s the magic.

Here’s your homework:
If you only journal on one question, make it this:

What would my path look like if it were simple and easy?

Better questions = better answers.
When you ask future-focused, solution-centered questions, you’ll get better ideas. You’ll feel more hopeful. You’ll take more action.

If all those old, shame-based questions were a locked basement door, these better questions are like opening a window and letting in fresh air. Or opening the front door and stepping outside for a walk.

Good questions let truth and wisdom come through you—because you already know what to do. It’s just been buried under all the garbage.

So here’s the final one I’ll leave you with:

What would it look like if I believed it was already working?

Your brain is going to answer every question you give it—so stop asking why you’re broken. You’re not broken.

Start asking, “What would make this feel simple and easy?”

All right, I hope this has been helpful. I’ll talk to you all next week. Bye!