130. Why Trying to Lose Weight Alone Keeps You Stuck

If you’ve ever thought, “I should be able to do this on my own,” you’re not alone—and you’re not the problem.

In this episode of Weight Loss Made Simple, Dr. Stacy Heimburger breaks down why smart, capable women often feel stuck in their weight loss journey despite knowing exactly what to do. She explains how long-standing thought patterns, dieting cycles, and the brain’s natural wiring keep you repeating the same behaviors—and why trying to “figure it out” alone can actually slow your progress.

You’ll learn:

• Why your brain can’t objectively coach itself
• How dieting patterns and mindset loops keep you stuck
• The hidden role fear plays in “doing it alone”
• Why support accelerates real, sustainable weight loss

If you’ve been struggling with consistency, emotional eating, or feeling like you’re constantly starting over, this episode will help you understand what’s really going on—and what actually creates change.

👉 If you’re ready for support, join the Lifestyle Support Monthly membership for guidance, coaching, and real behavior change:
 https://sugarfreemd.com/LSM

Free 2-Pound Plan Call!
Want to jump start your weight loss? Schedule a free call where Dr. Stacy Heimburger will work with you to create a personalized plan to lose 2 pounds in one week, factoring in your unique circumstances, challenges, and aspirations. Schedule now! www.sugarfreemd.com/2pound

This episode was produced by The Podcast Teacher: www.ThePodcastTeacher.com.

Transcript

Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the podcast. I'm Dr. Stacey Heimberger. This is Weight Loss Made Simple. I want to start by talking about something that I really used to believe, and I said it to myself more times than I can count. And it was this idea of, I just need to figure this out. If I could just think harder or be more disciplined, I could get it together. And then I wouldn't need anybody.

because underneath was this very silent but deadly thought that I didn't really say out loud, but it was this idea that if I need help, I must be failing. And I didn't say it consciously, obviously, but I lived like it was true. And I see this all the time in the women that I work with.

If you are used to being high achieving, you're used to getting good grades, like you can follow the plan and you can succeed with some amount of work, whether that's not a lot of work, like grades for some of us or a lot of work, right? But it was this idea that if I'm smart enough or if I apply myself enough, so if I think harder or I'm just more disciplined,

should be able to succeed at this and if I can't do that by myself then I must be failing and I must be doing it wrong and there must be something wrong with me right all of those things and It's kind of like the smarter you are and the more driven you are the more this is gonna be true and it's not something again that we're thinking out loud or even consciously but It's just this pattern of behavior that comes from this belief

is that like I can do it and I can succeed on my own and if I need help I'm failing. And so I want to tell you if you haven't heard my story I'm just going to reiterate or replay a little bit of it for you but I didn't really have this dramatic rock bottom moment. I mean I was really unhappy with my weight after my second kid but it was more just this feeling I had. Because on paper it was fine, right? Like I was a doctor and I had a really good job and I had these two beautiful babies and a husband that loved me and we have like a great house and a great neighborhood and like it was working, right? I was functioning, I was working, I was helping other people at work, my kids were happy and well cared for. But internally I was spiraling. Like I was so tired.

And I think it's because this pattern of thought and then this pattern of behavior and then the same frustrations were just spinning endlessly in my mind. And what was really frustrating me the most was this idea that like, I know so much, like I should be able to figure this out. I understood behavior change. I had even helped some of my patients make behavior change. I had made behavior change in the past.

what I thought was supposed to be permanent behavior change. Looking back, I realized what I was doing was not sustainable. But when I first found coaching and all of this moment that I'm talking about, in my mind, I had figured it out once, which may or may not resonate with you all. If you've had a diet that worked and now it's not working, it's this mind game, right? I know what to do. I've done it before and it's worked.

So it was just this never ending, like, I should be able to figure this out. Like, I am failing because I can't figure it out. And eventually, I just hit a wall of being so tired. Like, all of these negative feelings were really taking, like, a physical toll. I was tired. I was thinking, like, I wasn't smart anymore, which is part of my identity, right? I can't figure this out. I am...

tired because I think I'm a bad mom. think I'm a bad wife. I don't want to do things. I don't want to go out. I'm a bad friend. I don't want to go and do all these things. And it, again, was not this like dramatic moment. It was just this building up of these failure thoughts that I'm failing at everything and that I just can't figure this out. And so like it kind of made my world crash down around me.

I really couldn't think my way out of it. And so I chose to get support. Like I went in search of knowledge and I found some you guys know that like I found the life coach school and those podcasts. I decided that that was so powerful. And it made such a change for me. I decided to train as a life coach. But I also got coached part of that training was that I got coached. So

not only did I learn a new way of thinking and a new way of programming my thoughts and a new way of eating and just this whole idea, all the things I teach, right? Asking better questions, move a little bit, baseline habits. I learned all that, but I was also getting coached that whole time I was learning to be a coach. And some of my most powerful shifts in my just my whole life's mindset came from those moments that I was being coached.

And it wasn't like these dramatic stories about coaching. It was just something my coach said that my brain took in and I processed later. And I was like, huh, okay. That makes a huge difference to everything that I thought was true. Everything that I thought about myself. I still remember Leanne and I've met her multiple times since she had coached me on this, but.

I was just having trouble. I was coaching people on weight loss, and I was having trouble losing a little bit more weight. And I was like, it's supposed to be easy. And she was like, what if it's not supposed to be easy? What if it's supposed to be hard right now? What if there are different seasons of life? Which you guys know, I just recently taught. And so that just comment, which was not Leanne telling me to do anything. That is not what coaching is. I give you guys some tactical tips and tricks, but I'm

telling you what to eat. I'm not telling you like a diet plan or an exercise plan. I'm just helping you see what your mind is doing to you. And that's all he ended for me. And it made a dramatic shift. And all my coaches have done that everyone that has ever coached me I can tell you there was a moment where they said something and it just flipped a switch for me and made everything exponentially easier. So why does this matter? Because it's not really just a mindset issue.

But our brain is really trying to be efficient, right? It loves to build patterns through habits, through emotional responses that become automatic. And so if we've been thinking the same thing for a number of years, those thoughts feel true, right? They feel very factual, they feel like belief, and they just feel like reality, and we don't question them. But at the end of the day, they're just thoughts. And so when you get

support whether from me or another coach and someone can listen to what you're saying and point out this flaw in this thought that you have stopped questioning I don't know a hundred years ago right not for all of us like 30 years ago maybe you had a thought about you your body your ability to lose weight your ability to be smart and figure things out whatever it is whatever belief you're not even questioning anymore your brain can't stop

outside of itself to evaluate those thoughts objectively anymore. So if you've been thinking it for so long, it becomes a belief, we interpret it as true as reality. caveat here, the smarter you are, the more likely you think it's true, because we're used to being right. Okay. And then it is almost impossible for your brain to step outside of itself and to objectively analyze those thoughts and re question them at this point. So it's like trying to read a label from the inside of the bottle.

Right? It's just not very easy. someone trained to read the label can easily see the problem. And so what happens is that we have these same thoughts. Our thoughts create our feelings, create our actions. We have those same actions. We're getting the same results. And then we think something is wrong with us. And we get super frustrated because things are not changing the way that we want them to. But it's because underneath all of that are some thoughts that we've never thought to question.

or that our brain won't give us the opportunity to step outside of itself and question it at all. our brain can't really solve a problem that it created from the same way it's looking at it. So if I'm looking at everything the same way and I create a truth from that, how do I expect my brain to be able to step outside of itself and change that thought? It's nearly impossible. we're inside the loop, you kind of need somebody outside the loop. Again, it doesn't need to be me necessarily, although I'm here for it. I love being able to do this for people, because it's been such a powerful change in my life. So when someone says like, I just want to do this on my own for right now, I really get curious because sometimes it's not really about independence. It's about protecting ourselves a little bit too, right? Because if you come to me,

and tell me things, you're afraid of being judged or being seen or being vulnerable. And I get that. We're afraid of spending money on ourselves. We don't do that, right? And then all of that is risky. Our brain interprets it as a little bit dangerous, right? And then what if it doesn't work? Right? So then there's this fear of failure on top of it. So if you've been listening to me and you're like, have

always thought like, I'll just listen, I don't need that. And all of these reasons, I just want you to hear that I understand. And it makes perfect sense that number one, we think we can do it ourselves because we've always done things by ourselves. But I want you to understand your brain can't look at itself in the same way that a coach or someone else can. And of course, you don't it your brain is making it super scary. You like we could be judged, which doesn't happen in coaching but

Like, there's that fear. Your brain tells you, you're going to be judged. You're going to be seen. It's going to be vulnerable. And then what if it doesn't work? And then you've spent this money, and you've taken this time, and you've bared yourself to somebody else, and it didn't work. So we tell ourselves we're really strong, right? Like, I've got this. I can do this. I don't need help. I'll figure it out. Everything is figureoutable. I say that all the time. But underneath is often fear.

So fear of being not maybe as smart as we thought we were, right? But that's not the case. I told you, it's just how our brain works. Fear of being exposed, fear of wasting money, fear of wasting time, fear of failure. And it almost always comes down to some sort of shame, almost always, you distill it all the way down. But that fear is what's keeping you stuck. And that fear.

And exhaustion was what was keeping me stuck. And I just got really lucky and heard the right podcast. And then got even luckier because when I got trained as a coach, it was during COVID, and we had a little bit of loan repayment hiatus. And so I took those loan payments and paid for coaching, paid for my certification. So it's like all these things had to line up correctly. But

I just wish I had understood it so much sooner. So basically, I tried to teach myself to swim with no help. And I was nearly drowning for a really long time. And then all these things came into place. And I heard the right thing at the right moment. Like, hey, why don't you come get on this boat? And then I happened to be a swim coach on the boat who was like, why don't you let me teach you how to swim? And now I can swim.

So that's sort of the visual for you. But supporting doesn't just make it easier. It makes everything faster. Because these repeating patterns that we've been doing for years is really very, very difficult to undo that on your own. And had I not had that coaching as part of my training, I think I would have been in the same boat, like very resistant to it.

But again, I can tell you the most powerful shifts I've had have been from coaching. And then I've paid a lot of money for coaching. And I've had tremendous turnarounds and breakthroughs. not only is my health in a better place than I ever thought it was going to be, but my marriage and my family and my friendships are all stronger. Because there's just so many patterned thoughts that we're not questioning.

And they just come out when you're talking to a coach, right? And you just tell them what's going on, and they can pick it out. They're like amazing little creatures. I've loved every coach I've ever worked with. But this support, these people, they can see patterns clearly. And you might have a best friend who's really good at this, and that's amazing. But it's about holding space and letting you talk and hearing those patterns, reading those labels like, and figuring, helping you figure it out, helping you see and like question that thought. So I want you to consider something instead of thinking, I should do this alone. I should be able to figure this out on my own. I want you to think here, I'm going to give you some like alternate thoughts, right? Getting support could be my turning point. Strong women are not the ones who do everything alone. Strongest women you see do not do things on their own.

There is a team of some sort helping. Strong women are the ones who build support. They recognize that growth requires perspective that is hard to get. And they recognize that their brain, while powerful, is not always objective. And they recognize that they don't have to carry everything by themselves. OK? So if you are thinking like, is me, I want you to start here. I want you to notice when you think,

I should be able to do this on my own and just notice it. Like, let's not judge that thought too. We judge ourselves enough, okay? But I want you to just ask, like, why do I think that? Why do I think I should be able to do this on my own? And then whatever that answer is, I want you to go one layer deeper and ask yourself, like, what would, what am I afraid of if I don't do this alone? Like, what am I afraid will happen if I don't do this by myself? And I'd be really interested to see what that answer is. I would love to know because

I want you to be able to separate out strength from isolation. We can be really, really strong and super capable. And it does not mean we have to be alone. Okay, we just don't. It's actually strong and support, like supported and strength can go together. They are not opposite. Strength does not mean isolation. So if you hear one thing today, strength does not mean isolation.

It is okay to ask for help because it is very easy to get stuck in our same loops because we've just been thinking them for so long. So, but if we have the same thoughts that we don't know how to question because we can't see them, then we're going to have the same feelings and the same actions. And that gives us the same results. And we're all about creating new results. So I just want you to take one stab. does not need to be overwhelming. Okay. So Think about joining a space where this happens. Think about learning from someone who understands this kind of change. Practice with a friend, like reflecting back your thoughts. Journaling is definitely the first step. Like if you have any chance of being objective about your thoughts, you need to write them down and then come back to them later and look at them and see what's going on. But I just, you don't need to do this by yourself. Okay? And at the time you're listening to this, I think

If you're not already in the April challenge, the spring challenge, it's okay. You're not missing out on anything, but you can join the membership. So every month we dive deep and then every three months we have these challenges. You get those challenges free as a member for your monthly membership. And the membership, you get the first 30 days free so you can try it so that you can have the opportunity to come on calls.

And I will reflect back your thoughts to you. This is what I do. It's what I trained to do. It's what I paid all that money and got all that coaching to do is to be able to help you see the thoughts that are holding you back and keeping you in a cycle of getting the same results. So that membership, even if you just stay for a couple of months, get a little bit of coaching, I'm telling you it will make a huge difference. And I would just really love to see you there.

But you don't have to figure it out all at once in that space either, right? You can get coached. You can just listen to other people get coached. You'd be amazed what you can see in other people, right? Because you're on the outside of their jar. You can read their label. And then sometimes they're like, huh, OK, maybe that's me too. OK? But it helps you start to see your patterns clearly. It helps you start to see your thoughts. It helps to have someone reflect them back so we can start to question them. Because with new thoughts,

We get new feelings, new actions, new results. And that's what we're looking for. We don't want to keep doing the same thing over and over again. So you are not behind, all right, because you like have been trying to figure it out on your own. That's okay. But it is so much easier to have somebody help you. You don't have to do it by yourself. That does not mean you are not brilliant and capable and amazing.

It's just hard for our brain to see outside of itself.

It is not a last resort to get help. Okay. It's like just getting a swim coach when you want to learn to swim. You might be able to figure it out if we throw you in the water and you try hard enough, but you might barely be keeping your head above water. And that's what it felt like for me before I found coaching. I felt like I was really barely keeping my head above water. Then I found coaching and it was like, I got a swim coach and now like I'm swimming amazing. Okay. So that's what it is. So support is not the last resort. It's often a turning point.

And then once you start getting that support, you're like, my gosh, I should have been doing this all along. Everything's so much easier and faster. It's amazing. So make sure I will put the link for the membership in the show notes. If you want to come, give it a try. 30 days free. You can cancel after that. But I think you're going to love it. So get that support that you need. I'm here for it. All right. Bye.