141. Stop Waiting to Participate in Your Life

Have you ever found yourself saying:

• I'll go on the trip when I lose weight.
• I'll get in pictures when I feel better about my body.
• I'll wear that outfit someday.
• Maybe next summer.
  
  

If so, this episode is for you.

Many women unknowingly put their lives on hold while waiting for their bodies to change. In this episode, Dr. Stacy explores how body shame creates avoidance, why summer often magnifies these feelings, and how delaying participation can quietly steal years of experiences, memories, and connection.

This is not an episode about forced body positivity.

It's about recognizing that your life is happening now.

You'll learn why the brain uses avoidance to reduce discomfort, how the belief that you must "earn" participation keeps you stuck, and one small way to begin showing up for your life today.

In This Episode:

• Why summer can trigger body-image struggles
• How shame creates avoidance behaviors
• The hidden cost of waiting until you lose weight
• Why participation is not something you earn
• One simple exercise to help you stop postponing your life
  
  

Ready for deeper support?

Inside Lifestyle Support Monthly, we help women build sustainable habits, strengthen self-trust, and learn how to keep showing up for themselves even when life gets messy.

Join us here:
https://sugarfreemd.com/LSM

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This episode was produced by The Podcast Teacher.

Transcript

Hey everybody, welcome back to the podcast. I'm Dr. Stacy Heimburger, and this is Weight Loss Made Simple.

This is Episode 141.

I want to talk to you about something that has nothing to do with perfect routines, macros, calories, or any of those things. I want to talk about participating.

Last week's episode spurred something for me, and so I wanted to expand on it this week.

It's this idea of what women are quietly doing to themselves this time of year. It's this waiting to participate in your life. This waiting until we feel more confident, or waiting until we lose weight, or waiting until we look different, or waiting until we're comfortable.

Meanwhile, life is happening and kind of passing us by, right? It's happening with or without us.

I think summer really brings this up for us a lot because we just have less clothes, honestly, right? There's the pool, the beach, the shorts, the vacations, lots of photos, maybe family gatherings—just more visible moments.

It's really hard to hide.

We don't have those chunky sweaters and leggings, right? We're exposed. And we can shrink back intentionally because of this exposure.

And it's not necessarily physical, but emotionally, right?

By saying things like:

"No, I don't really want to go this time."

"I'll sit this one out."

"You guys go ahead."

"Maybe next year."

All of that, right?

So I want you to think about the last time you said that. What was going on for you?

I think a lot of us don't fully realize how much we do that. And body image, and being uncomfortable with our body, is often the culprit.

We might say it's a lot of other things, but I really think it's this thing.

And God bless, I think the generation younger than us is not going to have to deal with this nearly as much. I think our parents had it even worse than we did. But we are programmed with this ideal body image garbage that we've grown up with, right?

And this episode is not me telling you to magically love your body overnight.

That's not reality.

It's not realistic for most people.

It's not realistic for me.

And I like real, so you know that's not my style.

But I'm also not saying your feelings are wrong either.

Body image struggles are real.

I think our generation has a lot of them.

I think we have a lot of programming and a lot of reference material telling us our body needs to be perfect—whatever perfect is.

And then there's a lot of shame around your body not being perfect.

So that discomfort is real.

Especially with GLP-1s, people are losing weight. Maybe their body size is smaller, but it doesn't look the way they thought it was going to look. There's skin and things, and we're not sixteen with beautiful skin anymore, right?

So I think this is very real.

The discomfort is real.

But shame behaviorally creates avoidance.

And it's because our brain doesn't like discomfort.

How many times have we talked about that? It comes up all the time, right?

We don't want to be uncomfortable.

We don't want to feel discomfort.

And so if we are uncomfortable in our bodies, our brain, in an effort to protect us, encourages avoidance.

It protects us from vulnerability, from being seen, from being visible, from feeling exposed, and from feeling judged.

So our brain says:

"Just stay home."

"Cover up."

"Don't get in the picture."

"Don't go to the event."

"Wait."

"Wait until you look different."

And temporarily, that avoidance kind of takes the heat off, right?

We aren't as uncomfortable.

But long term, it reinforces the idea that we're not allowed to participate fully in our lives until our body is different.

And that is not okay.

So we're not going to do that anymore.

I'm not going to Jedi mind trick you.

Well, maybe a little.

But really, I'm going to give you some ideas on how you can Jedi mind trick yourself into being more visible and giving yourself a little exposure therapy.

Being a little uncomfortable.

Because we can't hide forever.

We need to participate in our life.

It's ours.

We only have one.

Okay?

So the thoughts might sound like:

"I'll get new clothes once I lose weight."

"I'll go on that trip next year."

"I'll go to the gym when I'm less embarrassed."

And underneath all of that is this idea that we have to earn the right to participate in life.

We earn it through shrinking.

Or being perfect.

Or being disciplined.

Or becoming more acceptable to whoever.

But life keeps going while we're waiting.

Honestly, I have a lot to say about what acceptable even means, who made those rules, and who "they" are.

But we can do a whole different episode on that.

I just want you to understand that in this avoidance—and in reinforcing that avoidance—life is moving on without us.

Kids are growing up.

Trips are happening.

Memories are happening.

And we're not in them.

Or we're not fully participating in them.

Or we're not fully present because we're in our heads wondering what people are saying.

We can spend a lot of time here.

And if you are someone who's taken a long time to lose weight, this might be years that this has been happening.

So what I want you to think instead is this:

You don't have to earn the right to participate in your life.

You don't have to earn that right through shrinking, perfection, discipline, or becoming acceptable.

You are acceptable.

And it is your life.

So the only one who decides whether or not you're acceptable for your life is you.

Okay?

But we do not have to earn participation in our own life.

If you've been doing the "wait until" thing, that's what you've been telling yourself—that you have to earn the right to participate.

And that's just not true.

If your friend told you that, you would tell her she's crazy.

You would tell her that's not true.

Right?

We deserve it all right now.

We get to participate fully.

We get to be connected.

We get to laugh.

We get to go on the trip.

We get to do all those things right now.

Not after our body changes.

Because that thought of needing to be acceptable is not automatically going to change when your body changes.

Especially if you're one of my ladies out there who's lost weight and still doesn't like her body.

I'm talking to you.

You thought this magic place was going to happen where all of a sudden you feel great in your body.

But that's a mental game.

That's mental work we have to do.

The scale doesn't do that.

Our body changing does not earn us participation in our life.

We get to be in our life.

It's ours.

Okay?

Now, that doesn't mean giving up on your goals.

I'm also not saying we can't love ourselves and participate fully while still wanting to lose a couple more pounds, tone up a little bit, or whatever.

We can still want our body to look and feel a little different.

But our mind has to do the work now.

Because life is going to happen and keep going while we're working on those things.

So we can't think:

"I'll rejoin life once..."

Whatever happens.

You're perfect right now for your life.

It's yours.

Okay?

So I want you to think about this.

And I'm sorry if this episode feels a little heavy.

I think this concept was one of the things that, when I first came to coaching and realized what my self-talk had been doing to me, and how it had been interfering with my participation in my own life, it was upsetting.

It was upsetting to realize I had been doing that to myself.

So if you're having that moment, I'm sorry.

But you don't have to stay there.

We just recognize it for what it is.

We have compassion.

We say:

"Yes, I realize I shouldn't have been thinking that."

"But I didn't know a different way."

And now you do.

So we're not going to beat ourselves up for waiting before.

But we are going to make a change today.

And we're not going to keep doing it.

Okay?

So I want you to ask yourself:

What have I been postponing until I lose weight?

What have I been waiting to start?

What is it?

And just notice the answer.

Maybe it's photos.

Maybe it's swimming.

Maybe it's dating.

Maybe it's travel.

Maybe it's certain clothes.

Maybe it's certain parties.

Whatever it is for you.

Then ask:

What's one small way I could participate anyway?

Not perfectly.

Not with full confidence.

Not after some huge breakthrough.

But how can I just be a little more present?

Maybe we get in the picture, but we're in the back.

Maybe we don't go swimming, but we put our feet in the pool.

Or at least go to the event.

Or wear the shorts.

Maybe we get all the way in the pool.

Amazing.

Maybe we take the walk if we've been scared to go to the gym.

Maybe we just recognize that we don't have to wait to deserve the experience.

We can just do the experience.

Okay?

I know today was a little deep.

This is the kind of stuff we do inside the membership.

I'm going to tell you every week: join the membership.

Powerful transformations are happening in there, and I want them to happen for you, too.

So if you want that deeper work—and you still get access to me through WhatsApp, although I'm eventually going to cap that out—you have direct access to me.

You can learn more at:

www.sugarfreemd.com/LSM

I just want to leave you with this today:

You do not have to become a different person before you're allowed to live your life.

And this summer is not about being perfect.

It's about showing up.

I want you to stop disappearing.

Whatever we said to ourselves before, that's done.

It's a brand-new day.

Your life is happening now.

And you deserve to be a part of it.

So stop waiting.

All right, love you all.

I'll talk to you next week.

And share this with a friend if you thought it was helpful.

All right.

Bye, guys.