143. The Thought Ladder for Swimsuit Season

Do you ever tell yourself you'll wear the swimsuit, get in the family photo, or finally enjoy the beach after you lose weight?

If so, you're not alone—and your body may not be the real obstacle.

In this episode, Dr. Stacy explores why so many women struggle with body confidence during summer and introduces one of her favorite behavior-change tools: the thought ladder.

You'll learn why trying to jump from self-criticism to self-love often doesn't work, how automatic thoughts shape emotions and behaviors, and why a simple, believable next thought can make all the difference.

Most importantly, you'll discover why participation doesn't have to wait until confidence arrives.

In this episode you'll learn:

• Why the swimsuit usually isn't the real problem
• How automatic thoughts influence emotions and behavior
• Why positive affirmations often feel fake
• How to use a thought ladder to create believable change
• Why participation builds confidence—not the other way around
• One simple exercise you can try this summer

If you'd like coaching and support as you practice these mindset shifts in real life, join us inside Lifestyle Support Monthly, where we take these concepts beyond awareness and into sustainable implementation.

www.sugarfreemd.com/LSM

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This episode was produced by The Podcast Teacher: www.ThePodcastTeacher.com.

Transcript

Hey everybody, welcome back to the podcast. I'm Dr. Stacy Heimburger, and this is Weight Loss Made Simple.

Today I want to talk about something that I think is so important during summer, and that's swimsuit season. Stay with me.

You may have heard me talk about thought ladders before, and maybe you haven't. But I think it's really hard for women sometimes to feel confident enough to participate.

The first problem with that thought is that we believe we need to earn participation by becoming confident first. Usually we're talking about body confidence.

We tell ourselves:

"I don't want to go to the beach."

"I don't want to wear a swimsuit."

"I'm nervous."

"I'm ashamed."

"I'm self-conscious about my body."

This idea that I need to feel confident before I participate becomes a really big problem.

What I want us to move toward is:

"I can participate before I'm confident."

Those are two very different thoughts, and getting from one to the other can feel difficult.

I've talked about thought ladders before, but today I want to specifically talk about thought ladders for swimsuit season because I really want you to participate this summer. I'm hoping there will be one little pearl in this episode that helps you get out there and enjoy your life.

First, let me say this:

The problem usually isn't the swimsuit.

The problem is our thought about the swimsuit.

I'll tell you personally how this worked for me.

Growing up, I was always told I had big thighs. My brother used to call me "drumstick legs." That became part of my identity.

I was embarrassed.

I wouldn't wear shorts.

Honestly, this continued all the way through medical school.

After medical school I started running—not because I enjoyed it. I actually hated running. I did it because everything I did before coaching revolved around trying to lose weight.

I ran half marathons.

I did small triathlons.

And I never wore shorts.

I wore capris.

Even my triathlon shorts went almost to my knees.

These thighs did not see the light of day.

My identity was:

"I have awful legs."

"I have disgusting legs."

"No one should have to look at my thighs."

It sounds dramatic now, but those were honestly the thoughts I had.

Living in Louisiana, that's hard.

It's hot.

You want to wear shorts.

You want to wear skirts.

But capris were the best I could do.

Every once in a while I'd try on shorts, look in the mirror, and immediately think:

"You can't do it."

"They're disgusting."

When I found coaching and learned about thought ladders, I realized something important.

My original thought was:

"My thighs are disgusting."

I thought I needed to replace that with:

"I love my legs."

But here's the problem.

When we're trying to change our thinking, the new thought has to be believable.

If it isn't believable, your brain simply rejects it.

There was absolutely no part of me that believed I loved my legs.

So instead of trying to jump from something extremely negative to something extremely positive, we move one rung at a time.

Think about monkey bars.

You don't leap from the first bar all the way to the last one.

You move one rung at a time.

That's a thought ladder.

One coach shared something that really helped me.

Instead of moving from negative to positive, move from negative to neutral.

Our brains don't argue much with neutral facts.

Neutral thoughts are believable.

And they usually feel just a little bit better.

For me, that neutral thought became:

"I have a human body."

It sounds incredibly simple.

But my brain couldn't argue with it.

I'm human.

I have a body.

That's true.

Humans come in all different shapes and sizes.

Just because I don't have what society tells me is the "ideal body" doesn't mean I somehow don't deserve to exist in public.

I practiced that thought over and over.

Even now, I wouldn't necessarily say I have overwhelmingly positive thoughts about my legs.

But I do wear shorts.

I do wear swimsuits.

Because I don't have to love my legs.

I can simply accept that I have a human body.

That shift alone changed my comfort level enough that I could participate.

Another thing that helped me was recognizing how much my comfort changes depending on where I am.

I have the same body.

The same legs.

The same swimsuit.

But if I'm at my own pool, I'm much more comfortable than if I'm at the country club pool.

Nothing about my body changed.

The situation changed.

Which means...

My thoughts changed.

At my house I know no one is judging me.

At the country club I imagine people are judging me.

The reality?

They're probably not.

Most people are thinking about themselves.

This is one way to prove to yourself that it isn't really the swimsuit.

It's the story you're telling yourself about the swimsuit.

My body didn't change.

My thoughts did.

And my comfort level changed because of that.

I coach so many women who tell themselves:

"I'll wear shorts when..."

"I'll get in the picture when..."

"I'll go to the beach when..."

"...after I lose weight."

But I want you to ask yourself honestly:

How many summers have gone by waiting?

How many family pictures are missing?

How many memories have been postponed?

This isn't really a weight problem.

It's a participation problem.

And participation is driven by our thoughts.

The good news is that thoughts can change.

That doesn't mean the old thoughts disappear overnight.

Automatic thoughts are automatic for a reason.

You've probably been practicing them for years.

We have thousands of thoughts every day.

Most happen so quickly we don't even notice them.

But swimsuits seem to bring them all out.

"Everyone is looking at me."

"I look terrible."

"I shouldn't wear this."

"My legs look awful."

"I can't go out there."

When your brain throws all of those thoughts at you, it starts believing they must be true simply because there are so many of them.

But they're still thoughts.

They're not facts.

Remember this sequence:

Thought.

Feeling.

Action.

If my thought is:

"Everyone is judging me."

I'll probably feel anxious.

When I feel anxious, my action is to stay covered up, skip the pool, or avoid the family picture.

Nothing changed about my body.

The thought changed.

The feeling changed.

And the action changed.

If your thought is:

"Everyone is looking at me."

Ask yourself:

Are they?

Or does it just feel that way?

Even if someone looks at you, maybe they're thinking:

"I'm glad she's here."

"I wonder if her kids are here."

"There are my friends."

There are lots of reasons people look at one another that have nothing to do with body size.

If your thought is:

"I shouldn't wear this."

Ask yourself:

According to whom?

Who made that rule?

Who decided?

If your thought is:

"I need to lose weight first."

Before what?

Before swimming?

Before getting in a photograph?

Before enjoying your own life?

No.

You don't have to earn those experiences.

And please don't tell yourself:

"I'll get in the picture next year."

One little trick I use is making a family calendar every year using photos from the previous year.

It becomes very obvious whether I was actually in the pictures.

That's a good reminder.

Positive affirmations often fail because they aren't believable.

If you've spent twenty years criticizing your body, suddenly saying,

"I love my body,"

usually doesn't work.

Your brain rejects it.

Sometimes it doubles down on the negative thought.

That's why I love neutral thoughts.

"I have a human body."

"Human bodies come in different shapes and sizes."

"Nobody is judging me as harshly as I'm judging myself."

"All humans suffer."

These thoughts are believable.

They're factual.

And they're easier for the brain to accept.

Another thought I really like is:

"Most people are focused on themselves."

Because it's usually true.

And even if you're still uncomfortable...

You can still participate.

Discomfort is just another feeling.

We don't have to wait until discomfort disappears before we live our lives.

Participation comes first.

Confidence follows.

When we avoid something, our brain learns:

"Good thing we stayed away."

"That must have been dangerous."

When we participate anyway, our brain learns:

"Nothing bad happened."

"It's safe."

That's how confidence grows.

It's a little easier the next time.

And then a little easier after that.

So here's what I'd like you to practice this week.

First, notice your automatic thought.

Second, replace it with one believable neutral thought.

Third, choose one participation action.

Wear the shorts.

Get in the picture.

Sit by the pool.

Get in the water.

Go to the beach.

Participate.

Even if you're still uncomfortable.

That's exactly the kind of work we're doing inside Lifestyle Support Monthly during our Summer School: Hot Habits challenge. If you'd like coaching and support while practicing this in real life, I'd love to have you join us. I'll put the information in the show notes.

Just remember this:

Most of us think confidence comes first.

But it usually doesn't.

Participation comes first.

Confidence grows afterward.

Not overnight.

Not perfectly.

But gradually.

Every single time you choose to participate anyway.

I hope this was helpful.

If it was, I'd love for you to share this episode with a friend.

Thanks so much for listening, and I'll talk to you next week.